


If I Could Find A Way

by thatsclassicsbaby



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Jack Zimmermann's Overdose, M/M, Male Lactation, Mental Health Issues, Mpreg, Multi, Other, Overdosing, Polyamory, Talk of Abortion, Time Loop, kent parson goes to therapy, pbj endgame, pimms break up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:33:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22297126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatsclassicsbaby/pseuds/thatsclassicsbaby
Summary: Raising a child with your semi-fuctional ex and his soon-to-be husband wasn't exactly Kent's idea of a Fun Time, but adding in a time loop the day before the wedding that he cannot get out of? He's pretty sure the universe hates him.
Relationships: Alicia Zimmermann & Bob Zimmermann & Jack Zimmermann, Alicia Zimmermann/Bob Zimmermann, Eric "Bitty" Bittle/Jack Zimmermann, Eric "Bitty" Bittle/Kent "Parse" Parson, Eric "Bitty" Bittle/Kent "Parse" Parson/Jack Zimmermann, Kent "Parse" Parson & Alicia Zimmermann
Comments: 13
Kudos: 79
Collections: OMGCP AU Bang 2019





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I am so excited to finally be posting this and sharing it with y'all!! Even more excited for yall to see Viscioushyperbolizer's amazing   
> [art](https://vicioushyperbolizer.tumblr.com/post/190359040631/art-for-if-i-could-find-a-way)   
> for it! I could not be happier that they chose me and I am so grateful.
> 
> Huge, huuuge thanks to Stevie_RST for being my friend and motivator through out this entire thing. I would not have finished this without you!! 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who betaed. 
> 
> I hope y'all enjoy!

Music thumped as Kent weaved his way through the crowd. His hands clutched two cups full of some disgusting concoction he found in a bowl in the kitchen. He was pretty sure whoever made it poured straight vodka and tried to mask it with a splash of sprite. Someone bumped into him, causing the liquid in the cup to spill over and soak his hand. Any other night and he would have been annoyed, but tonight, tonight nothing was ruining his mood.

A loud chant started up around him and he laughed, joining in. The crowd constricted around him as the excitement grew, but he was a man on a mission and broke through, stumbling to a stop in front of Jack.

“Miss me?” He wiggled his eyebrows as he handed a cup to Jack. Jack rolled his eyes but a small smile tugged at his lips. Kent grinned in response.

The music grew louder, causing the walls to shake. Jack grimaced and Kent nodded to the door leading to the backyard. Jack shoved away from the wall, making a beeline to the door.

* * *

Goosebumps spread across Kent’s skin. He rubbed his hands up and down his arms, desperately seeking warmth. Jack stood next to him, staring absently into the moonlit backyard. He was a pillar, unmoved. Kent leaned his head back. Stars littered the sky, constellations shining bright. His eyes stared up and up into the overwhelming expanse of the sky. He felt small and like the entirety of the universe was pressing into him, his chest getting tighter with every breath he took.

A shoulder jostled into him and he turned his head to the side, smiling softly when he saw Jack’s eyes focused solely on him. Kent was always intimately aware of Jack’s presence and gaze, it was why they worked so well together. Whether they were on the ice or in a room separated by hundreds of people, the heat of him radiated out to Kent, calling. Kent never knew cold the way he did when Jack was gone.

“We won the game, Kenny. I thought you would be happy.” Jack’s eyes shone bright under the moonlight and Kent had to look away, the intensity of it making his skin feel too tight. He dug the tip of his feet into the ground, stalling, until Jack began to fidget.

“Of course, I’m happy. It’s just…” he trailed off, unable to find the words to properly explain all the emotions that had been building in him these past few months. The bubble of fear that he would lose Jack after the draft was growing bigger and bigger and he was afraid of what would happen when it finally burst. He cleared his throat before continuing. “We’re getting closer to the draft, you know?”

Kent could feel every part of Jack that was pressed against him tense up. They hardly talked about the draft, and when they did it was a given Jack would be first and him second. To be honest, Kent didn’t even care was going to be picked first or last, as long as he got to play hockey. But he knew it was different for Jack, the pressure he faced; from himself, his parents, and the media; made him lazer-focused on being drafted first. In the quiet of the night, Kent ached for him. Jack didn’t respond and Kent slipped his fingers between Jacks. “Wanna get out of here?”

Jack jerked slightly, forehead wrinkled in confusion. “You don’t wanna celebrate?”

Kent tugged Jack in front of him and reveled at how easy he went. Jack loomed over him and Kent raised his hand to trace the bottom of his lip with his thumb. “I’d rather celebrate with you.”

Jack stumbled back, cheeks red and chest heaving. “Not here.”

Kent rolled his eyes. “Of course not, doofus. At home.”

Jack’s eyes lit up. “Mine or yours?” Kent laughed and grabbed his hand again, tugging him through the door.

* * *

They stumbled through the door, laughter echoing on their lips as they pressed them together. “We gotta be quiet,” Kent mumbled against his lips. Jack bit his bottom lip in response and Kent held back a groan. “Seriously, Jack, weren’t you just lecturing me on being careful?”

“I think we both know the one who can’t be quiet is you.”

Kent bit his bottom lip and his cheeks flushed. Jack’s eyes darted to his lips and darkened. He gripped the back of Kent’s head, palm pressing hard against the nape of his neck. Jack licked into his mouth and he shivered. He barely had a sip of his drink, but he felt drunk, a heady feeling taking over his body. Jack’s hands ran down his back and gripped his ass. Kent moaned and pressed harder against him.

His fingers dipped under Jack’s shirt and he stroked the soft skin underneath. Jack pulled back and lifted his arms up, allowing Kent to take off his shirt. Kent ran his hands down the dips and grooves of Jack’s stomach. Kent dragged Jack back down for another kiss. He trailed his mouth to Jack’s throat, sucking and biting. Soft moans escaped Jack. He grabbed Kent’s ass, pulling him tight enough that their erections pressed against each other. Kent’s hips buckled forward, seeking friction.

“Bed?” Jack asked, voice raspy and breathless. Kent nodded and pulled him toward it. They fell onto it, a heap of limbs. Kent giggled as Jack struggled to take his pants off.

* * *

Kent snuggled up to Jack. His fingers played with the light smattering of hair across his chest. “You know, it’s February 10th.”

The hand stroking Kent’s back paused for a second, resuming when he let out a whine. “I’m aware. I’m surprised you know what day it is, considering you don’t believe in calendars.”

Kent struggled onto his elbow and glared at Jack. “There’s no point! We don’t even know exactly how old the earth is, how the fuck are we gonna know what day it is?”

Jack looked at Kent in confusion. “We do know how old the earth is.”

Kent made a “What the fuck” face. “Uh, pretty sure we don’t.”

“Pretty sure we do, bud,” Jack replied, mockingly.

Kent sat up and turned to face Jack. “Okay, Mr. Smart Shit. How old is the Earth?”

“6,000 years.”

Kent’s soul immediately ascended to a higher plane, only coming back to his body when he clocked the slight smirk on Jack’s face. He lightly shoved Jack’s arm before cuddling back up to him, muttering asshole under his breath. Jack let out a loud, booming laugh. Kent grumbled some more before light giggles escaped him. He hid his face in Jack’s chest as laughter overpowered him. They eventually settled down and a soft quiet encompassed them. Kent threw his leg over Jack’s, content to just take in the moment. He fell asleep thinking idly that he’d ask Jack tomorrow about Valentine’s.

* * *

Sunlight streamed in through the open window, straight onto his face. He groaned and rolled over, pulling a pillow over his head in an attempt to block the light. Movement on the bed made him lift the pillow up just enough to catch a glimpse of Jack getting up. Slightly annoyed that Jack was able to be up and functioning, he closed his eyes, praying to fall asleep again.

“Kent. Kent! Wake up!” Hands shook him and he jerked awake, the last remnants of a dream playing in his mind.

“What the fuck, Jack? It’s 8:30 in the fucking morning. Let me sleep.” He huffed and settled back down, desperately grasping for the last traces of sleep. The pillow and blanket were yanked off him and he sat up. “This better be a goddamn emergency, Jack.”

Kent grew concerned as Jack sat on the end of the bed, arms on his knees and back hunched. He crawled forward until he was next to him and laid a hand on the middle of his back. “What happened?”

“We didn’t use a condom last night.”

A laugh escaped before he could stop it. “Is that all?”

Jack jumped up, body tense and fists clenched. “What do you mean is that all? I thought hockey was important to you.”

Kent glared at him. “Of course it’s important to me. What the fuck do you think I’ve been working towards?”

Jack shrugged his shoulders mockingly. “I don’t know, Kent. I just figured if hockey meant as much to you as you pretend it does, then maybe you would be a little more worried about getting pregnant.”

His voice got louder as he walked towards Kent. Kent squared his shoulders and jutted out his chin.

“I’m on birth control, you ass,” he hissed, voice cutting through the air.

Jack stopped and stared at him blankly, as if his mind was rebooting. All of a sudden his body loosened, as if all the air had been let out. He ran a hand down his face. “Kenny, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have…”

Kent shrugged. “We should have discussed this before we started sleeping together, anyway. We’re both idiots.”

Jack chuckled and ran a hand through his hair, relief evident on his face. Kent began pulling on clothes, shoving his feet into some shoes. Jack’s eyebrows scrunched together. “Where are you going?”

Kent grabbed Jack’s jacket and threw it at him. “We’re getting breakfast. And you’re buying.”

Jack raised an eyebrow. “Am I?”

“Yup. Now, come one. Waffles are calling my name.”

* * *

Jack watched in disgust as Kent scarfed down his waffle. He started coughing as a tiny piece threatened to go down the wrong pipe. Jack rolled his eyes but slid his glass of orange juice towards him. “Maybe you should slow down before you choke to death, eh?”

“Nah.” Kent smiled sweetly. “You wouldn’t let me die.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” Jack mumbled as Kent resumed his attack on his food. Kent paused momentarily to flip him the bird.

“You not gonna eat?” Kent chewed loudly with his mouth open, causing waffle to spray across the table. Jack pulled a face, and pushed his own plate away.

“No. For some reason my appetite is gone.”

Kent winked and blew him a kiss. “You still love me, though.”

Jack hummed doubtfully. Kent’s lower lip jutted out and he gave Jack his best sad eyes. Jack huffed but reached over and tapped Kent’s hand three times before pulling it away. Kent smiled softly and returned the taps on Jack’s forearm.

“So, uh, Valentine’s Day.” Kent shoved another forkful of waffles into his mouth as his cheeks flushed. Jack watched with a disgusted, but resigned look.

“Are you asking me about it or just stating that it exists?”

Kent set down his fork and started to fiddle with the paper napkin. “I was thinking maybe we could do something?”

Jack leaned forward and said in a soft, hushed tone, “You know we can’t, Kenny.”

Kent looked down at the table, unable to look Jack in the eyes. “Yeah, I know. Just-maybe we could do something? Alone? No one would have to know.”

Jack’s foot pressed against his. “It’s too risky, Kenny.” He lowered his voice even more and Kent strained to hear him. “But if we did something another day?”

Kent lifted a shoulder, faking an air of nonchalance. “Nah, it’s cool. It’s just Valentines Day.” He tried to laugh airily but the sound was too bitter. “Forget about it.”

“You’re sure?” Jack watched him, concern etched into his face. Kent nodded and gave him a reassuring smile. It was fake, but Jack didn’t notice.

* * *

10 weeks LATER The toilet bowl stared at him, taunting. His lungs struggled to fill with air as panic rose within him. Three weeks. He had been throwing up almost everyday for the past week. Part of him tried to console himself, convinced himself it was just a persistent bug. But the bigger, realistic part of himself knew. The birth control had failed. He wasn’t a fucking idiot. It had been ten weeks since him and Jack had had unprotected sex. The birth control had fucking failed.

Another wave of nausea had him gagging into the toilet. He had no idea how long he had been in the bathroom. It felt like it had been hours, but based on the fact that Jack hadn’t come to find him, it must have only been minutes. He remembered reassuring Jack, no doubt in his mind that he wasn’t pregnant. He laughed self deprecatingly. The vomit in the toilet bowl was proof of how wrong he was. He wanted to hide away. Curl up in bed and not leave until somehow this all disappeared.

But that wasn’t how the world worked, and he needed to grow up. He sat in the bathroom for a few more minutes, head resting on the toilet seat. He knew it was disgusting, who knew how many germs were on it, but the coolness eased the throbbing that started behind his left eye. Finally, once he was sure he wouldn’t throw up again, he went to his room and grabbed his phone. He wiped a hand down his face, exhausted. He didn’t even know who to call. His primary? Planned Parenthood? Did Canada even have Planned Parenthood? What he really wanted was to call his mom and have her take care of everything, but adults made their own appointments and whether or not Kent had this baby, it was time he started acting like one. He was going to be one legally soon enough.

* * *

“Your test came back positive.”

Everything went fuzzy. Someone was speaking but Kent couldn't make out what they were saying. He tried to focus but everything seemed so far away.

“Breath. In. Out. In. Out. That's good. You're doing so good.”

The world snapped back into focus. Doctor Kelly was watching him, eyes darting around his face. “You with me?” He nodded tiredly, a heaviness starting to set in his limbs.

She pulled her chair close to him and sat down. “I know this is a shock, but you have options. Would you like to go over them?”

He nodded and struggled to listen as she discussed appointments, adoptions, and a myriad of other things. He stared at the linoleum floor, his entire hockey career flashing before his eyes. He saw himself being picked in the draft. Winning the Stanley Cup. Becoming Captain. Retiring at the ripe old age of 38 with Zimms. He thought of his mother, working three jobs and taking out a second mortgage to get him to Rimouski. “What about abortion?”

Silence followed his question and he flushed as he realized he had interrupted her speech.

“We can discuss that as well. If you’re sure.” Her voice was soft, as if she was afraid that too harsh of an inflection would have him running. He wasn’t sure if it was a wrong assessment. He thought of Jack, who had been working towards the NHL since birth. He lifted his eyes to hers, determination fuelling him.

“I’m sure.”

* * *

“You’re sick.” Kent slammed his locker shut. Practice had been a nightmare. His footwork was off, none of his goals went in, and he had to run off twice to vomit. The last thing he needed was Jack crowding into him, angry and only seeing hockey. He wiped sweat off his forehead and glared at Jack.

“I’m fine.” He picked up his duffle back and went to step around him, but Jack stepped in front of him instead.

“I’m not stupid, Kent. You’re not hiding it as well as you think.”

He snarled and Jack backed up. Kent took his opening and hurried past him, throwing out “Don’t worry, we’’ll win the fucking cup,” behind him as he went.

* * *

The car door opened and every muscle in his body stilled. It’d only been minutes since they fought and Kent knew he wouldn’t be able to stop the vitriol from spewing out of him if they resumed it. Jack slid in and closed the door. He started the car without a word and backed out of the parking spot. There was no music, only the sounds of their breaths and the wind as it whipped past them.

“I asked because I’m worried.” Kent turned his body toward the window, hoping that Jack would get the hint and just stop talking. “I mean it, Kenny. You’ve been sick for weeks. You need to go to the doctor.”

He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply before letting it out slowly. “I’ve been.” Kent could feel the irritation emanating off of Jack and smiled to himself.

“What did he say? Are you okay to play? If not, you have to tell the coaches, Kenny, you can’t-”

“Woah, woah, woah. I’m fine. Just a little bug.” He sat up straight now and finally caught sight of the worry on Jack’s face. How could he think Jack didn’t care? “She said it’ll go away soon and there’s no reason for me to stop playing.”

Jack’s fingers tapped rapidly on the wheel and Kent grabbed his duffle bag, rummaging in it until his hands enclosed around a bottle. He pulled it out and shook it, pills rattling against the bottle loudly. Jack flinched from the noise, but shook his head when he realized what Kent was holding. “Not yet.”

Kent started putting the bottle back in the bag but Jack grabbed it, placing it in the cupholder. “Just in case.”

His voice was defensive and his shoulders hunched forward to make himself smaller, as if someone of his size wouldn’t always catch attention. Kent just nodded and grabbed his hand, squeezing. “Just in case.”

* * *

Doctor Kelly smiled at him as she walked into the office. She held her hand out for him to shake.

“How are you doing?” He squeezed her hand quickly before letting go.

“I’m good.” He nodded down to his stomach. “Considering.”

Kelly’s demeanor softened which Kent didn’t think was possible considering she already had an aura of motherly love. “So, today we’re going to have an ultrasound, to find out just how far along you are. And then we can discuss your options fully. I know we already touched on a f-“

“I’m getting an abortion.” Kent was slightly impressed with himself. The doubt and confusion churning inside of him wasn’t present in his voice. Instead he sounded sure of his decision and like nothing was going to change his mind. If he ever got bored of hockey (the thought alone made his scoff, as if), he could give acting a try. “Is the ultrasound really necessary? I mean, since I’ve already decided.”

“We need to know how far along you are. That will determine whether we need to do surgery or if you are early enough that you can take a pill.”

Kent chewed on his bottom lip, almost hesitant. “I know how far along I am. I’m a little over ten weeks.”

“We need to make sure. Conception doesn’t always happen at the time you have sex. Sperm can live in the uterus for up to five days.”

“Okay.” His voice was so quiet, he was sure she couldn’t hear him. She stood up and hope flared inside him at the thought that she would just walk away.

“I’m going to need you to lay back.” She situated a pillow where his head would be and he followed her instructions. She pulled the ultrasound machine over -had it been there the entire time?- and started it up. “Alright, I’m going to use a gel. It’s cold but it will warm up quickly.” She grabbed a tube and squeezed the gel directly onto his stomach. Kent flinched as the cold gel hit his skin. She put the wand on his stomach and began moving it around. A fast, thudding noise filled the room. Kent jerked his head toward the monitor, alarmed.

“What is that? Is everything okay?”

“That’s the heartbeat. Nothing to worry about, it’s completely normal.”

“Wha-.” Kent licked his lips. His throat was suddenly dry and his head felt fuzzy. “But it’s so fast?”

Kelly smiled at him reassuringly. “That’s good. It’s heart is very tiny, so it beats faster.”

Kent nodded slowly and relaxed. He continued staring at the image on the screen. “Is that..” he trailed off.

“The fetus? Yes. And it looks like you are right. You are eleven weeks pregnant.”

His fingers jerked against the bed. “Does that mean I can…” he sucked in a breath. The blurry image filled his vision. He tried so hard to look away, but he was frozen. She pulled the stick away and the image disappeared. Kent jerked forward, as if his body was connected to the image by a tether.

A hand softly touched his forearm and he flinched back. The touch had grounded him and he focused all of his attention on Kelly, who was watching him in concern. “You don’t have to decide now. You have time.” She said softly.

Kent scoffed. “No, I don’t. Memorial Cup is in two months and this needs to be taken care of by then. I am not ruining my chances of being drafted for this.” He gestured roughly at his stomach, emotion making his voice crack and movements jerky.

Kelly raised both hands up consolingly. “Whatever you decide is what we will do, Kent. We’re a little booked right now but we should be able to get you in by the end of the week. You can make an appointment with Amanda at the check out.”

She started getting papers together and Kent took that as his cue to grab his stuff to leave. She started walking towards the door and put her hand on the door handle.

“Wait.” She turned and looked at Kent expectantly.

“Can I have a picture?”

* * *

The edges were worn and the picture was slightly bent from Kent clutching it. His thumb stroked the scan. A baby. He was growing another human being inside of him. Hysterical laughter bubbled out of his chest and his eyes began watering.

He wiped them, trying to calm down. He thought he would regret it. Deciding to keep the baby. Raising a child isn’t something he ever allowed himself to think about. Being out with Jack in the NHL? Raising a family together? It was never an option. But now. He sighed and put the scan in his jacket pocket.

His phone vibrated and he almost ignored it, knowing it would be Jack.

_Come over?_

His fingers hovered over the keyboard. Jack had a right to know and, anyway, it would be obvious soon enough. Besides, who said they both had to give up hockey? Jack would make more than enough money for in the NHL for Kent to be a stay at home dad. It’s not what he had envisioned for himself, but being a parent meant making sacrifices. Kent closed his eyes and allowed himself to believe in a happy future.

 _On my way._

* * *

**TWO MONTHS LATER**

_“Zimmermann passes the puck to Parson, Parson gets it and takes off down the ice. Perfect execution.”_

_“A shame they can’t be drafted onto the same team, Bimothy.”_

_“I agree, Lenjamin. The one-look is a- AND RICHARDSON ON THE OPPOSING TEAM CLOSES IN ON PARSON. IT’S GETTING CLOSE. WILL HE MAKE THE GOAL?”_

_“If anyone can do it, it’s him, Bimothy.”_

_“Richardson barrels down the ice, he’s inches away. Parse pulls back his stick and goes to strike-”_

_“OH!” The men both shout as the defender collided into Parson, sending him flying. They wince as his helmet falls off and he hits the ice with a sickening crack. There’s a beat of silence before an anguished, “No!” fills the room._

_“Is that Jack Zimmermann?”_

_“Well, they are close. You don’t play that well together by being enemies.”_

_“Parson has not gotten up but the paramedics are putting him onto a stretcher. Zimmermann is having to be held back by his teammates. This is truly a tragic moment.”_

_“We may have just witnessed the end of a fantastic hockey career. Let’s take a moment of silence.”_

* * *

Jack threw his gear into his bag. Blood stained his hands and he vigorously rubbed them on his shirt to no avail. He had to get to the hospital. He had to get to Kenny. He barreled toward the door.

“Woah, slow down, son.” Coach’s hand pressed hard against his sternum, stopping his momentum. “I know you’re eager to see Kent, but you don’t know where he is or have a way to get there.”

Jack shoved his hand away. “I don’t care. I’ll figure it out.” He stepped around Coach, intent on finding Kent. Coach grumbled to himself before grabbing Jack’s arm. “Let go of me. You can’t stop me-“

“I’m not trying to. Let me drive you.”

* * *

“Kenny…”

Jack’s eyes roved over Kent’s battered form. Bruises had started to form and there was gauze wrapped around his head. Kent gave him a weak smile. “How are you feeling, bud?”

Kent winced as he tried to sit up and Jack hurried to help him. “I’ve been better. My head is fucking killing me. They won’t give me shit for pain since-“ Kent abruptly cut himself off and looked at Jack wide eyed. Jack started to question him but someone knocked on the door. A man in scrubs and a lab coat walked in holding a chart.

“We got your results back.” The doctor hesitated when he saw Jack.

Jack lifted a brow and nodded toward the files. “Go on, then.”

“Perhaps we should speak in private.”

His teeth grinded as the doctor only addressed Kent. His annoyance only grew as Kent shot him a guilty look. He pleaded silently to him, needing to be here, needing to know whatever was wrong with him. Kent’s eyes dropped to his lap and Jack sucked in a harsh breath. “Fine. Just, let me know you’re not dying.”

He shouldered past the doctor out and stalked out to the waiting room where Coach was waiting. The man stood up as soon as he caught sight of Jack. “Now that you’ve seen him-“

“He wouldn’t tell me anything. Can we go?” Coach hesitated but nodded and led him out to the car.

The car ride back was silent but for the soft music playing on the radio and rapid tapping of Jack’s fingers against his thigh.

“Listen, son, I know you’re worried about your friend. We all are. Kent is an amazing player and an important part of this team. But the Draft is coming up, and you need to focus on that. Everyone assumes you’ll be picked first, but that all depends on you.” The tapping stopped as Jack curled up his fist. “Do you hear me, son? You could go far in this career. You have your father, Kent, your team backing you.” They stopped at a red light. Coach reached over and squeezed his shoulder. “I know it’s a lot, but if anyone can do it, it’s you.”

“Yes, sir.” He replied quietly.

The light turned green and Jack stared out the window, watching the lights pass. The more time passed, the harder it became for him to breath. He pictured his anxiety medication sitting next to the bathroom sink.

* * *

His heartbeat pounded in his ears. There was a sheen layer of sweat over his whole body. The bottle shook as he poured a couple pills onto his hand, swallowing them dry. He laid his head against the bathroom door, taking deep breaths and began counting.

_15, 16, 17_

Everyone was watching him.

 _1, 2, 3,_ _4_

The reporters. His dad. Mom. Kent.

_1, 2_

Fuck, he can’t. He can’t-

_1, 1, 1-_

Jack shook more pills out of the bottle and downed them. He had no idea how many, anxiety making his thoughts blur together. The room was expanding and closing in at the same time. He had never been so aware of his breathing, his lungs couldn’t get enough air. He put his head between his knees and squeezed his eyes close. He wanted the feeling to end, he was going to die, he couldn’t breath. An image of his father staring at him, so utterly disappointed, was the last thing he saw before darkness finally overtook him.

* * *

Kent leaned against the wall next to the hotel door, breathing heavily. He shoved the key fob in and silently cheered when the door unlocked on the first try. The door swung open and he stepped in slowly. The door slammed shut behind him and he jumped. The hair on his arms stood up as an eeriness settled over him.

“Jack?” He called out quietly. There was no answer. The bathroom door was shut, but light spilled out from the crack underneath.

“Jack?” His voice was louder, more urgent. When he still got no response, he tried the bathroom door handle. It was locked. He banged on the door, chest tightening.

“Jack, open up. This isn’t funny.” All that answered him was silence and his own panicked breathing. He tried the handle again, as if it had magically unlocked through sheer panic.

“ _Jack_!” He slammed his body against the door. The wood splintered a little but didn’t move. He shoved his body against the door over and over again. With a loud crack, the door gave way and Kent fell into the bathroom. Jack was curled up on his side on the floor. For a moment, Kent thought he was asleep, but he was too still and too pale. He kneeled next to Jack’s body and his eyes spotted the empty pill bottle.

“Fuck, Jack. What have you done?” Pulling out his phone and dialing 999, he checked Jack’s pulse. It was faint and slow, but there.

“This is 999 what’s your emergency?”

“Hi, my boyfriend has overdosed. I need an ambulance.” His hands were shaking so bad he almost dropped the phone.

“Okay, can you give me your location?”

“Wallaby drive, 666.”

“Someone is on the way.”

Jack started jerking and Kent sobbed. “He’s seizing. Wha- what do I do?”

“Turn him onto his side and wait for help.”

“He’s already on his side!” Kent curled forward, sobs catching in his throat. Distantly, he heard the lady tell him he had to wait for help. He grabbed Jack’s hand, yelping at how cold it felt. “ _No, no, no, no_.”

The woman tried to calm him but all he could focus on was Jack and how cold he was getting. After what felt like hours, there was loud and frantic knocking at the door. He hurried to let them in, chastising himself for not already having it open. The EMT’s barrelled past him after he led them to the bathroom.

“Is he gonna make it?” The EMT’s ignored him, focused on getting Jack on the stretcher and out the door. In what felt like mere seconds, the ambulance was blaring away from the hotel, getting quieter by the second. Eventually, the sound faded and Kent was left standing in an empty, silent hotel room.


	2. Chapter 2

“Congrats, man!” Aaron held up his hand for a high five and Jack tentatively smacked his hand against his. “You’re finally getting out of here.” 

He shoved his hands in his pockets, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “Yeah.” 

A small grin graced Aaron’s face. “Your constant rambling will be missed.” Jack tilted his head and Aaron let out a fully belly laugh. “I think you’ve taught me more about World War II than I ever learned in school.” 

Jack’s lips stretched in what he hoped was a smile but by the look on Aaron’s face was more of a grimace. “I watch a lot of documentaries.” 

Aaron nodded and an awkward silence encompassed them. Jack shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked on his feet, wishing he had been born with the ability to talk to people. It seemed so effortless for others. Conversation always flowed freely from his parents and Kent. They knew what to say and how to say it. Sometimes words came out and even Jack was surprised by the tone. 

Finally, Aaron cleared his throat and slapped him on the arm. “Hope everything turns out great for you, man.”

Jack awkwardly punched him softly in the arm. That was what he was supposed to do, right? “You, too, bud.”

A nurse chose that moment to come and discharge him. Relief and fear flooded him as he stepped into the waiting. His father stood waiting, arms wide. He fell into them, tears prickling at his eyes.

“It’s good to see you, son.” 

* * *

Everything was fuzzy but her. She laid on his chest, small puffs of air hitting his skin. She was so small, so fragile. Kent was terrified of breaking her. She sniffled and snuggled closer to him. Kissing her forehead, he rubbed a hand up and down her tiny back. Memories of childbirth, as traumatic as they were, had already begun to escape him the moment he laid eyes on her. Her little nose, her soft wisp of hair on top of her head. She was perfect. A knock on the door broke him out of his bubble.

It opened and Dad Bob sheepishly stuck his head in. “Alright if I come in?”

Kent rolled his eyes and waved him in. “You don’t have to ask, Dad. She’s your granddaughter.” Bob grinned widely at those words, eyes lighting up as he caught sight of her. Kent held her out and Bob scooped her into his arms. She squirmed, face scrunching up.

Kent prepared himself for a meltdown, but Bob started patting her bum and her face relaxed into something blissful. Bob gazed down at her adoringly and Kent relaxed into the bed, content to watch them bond. Minutes passed. Kent slowly drifted off as Bob murmured sweetly to his daughter.

A light shaking woke him up. “Kent, son. I have to go pick up Jack.” Kent groaned and started to sit up, wincing at the soreness in his stomach.

A hand pushed him back down. “She’s asleep in her cot. Don’t strain yourself.” Kent squinted up at him and Bob laughed. “Alright, try not to strain yourself.” Bob cleared his throat. “There’s something, or someone, we need to discuss.”

Kent closed his eyes, an ache forming in his chest. “I know,” he whispered.

“He deserves to know his daughter.”

“I would never deny Jack access to his daughter. You know that,” he snapped. Bob lightly hushed him, tilting his head toward the baby.

Rage built in him just as quickly as it dispersed, leaving him weak and exhausted. The past few months hadn’t been easy. They had all been pushed well beyond their limits and he was sure the bags under their eyes were permanent.

“I-I’m scared.” His voice shook. “What if he doesn’t want her? What if he hates me?”

Bob grabbed his hand, squeezing tightly. “I like to think I raised my son better than that. Besides, once he sees that little girl, he’ll be a goner.”

Kent smiled weakly. “I don’t know if I can-“ his voice broke. 

“Let me handle it. You have enough on your plate. Just focus on your daughter.” 

* * *

A small wail brought him out of a restless sleep. He opened his eyes to a dark room. The light spilling out from under the door illuminated the room just enough that he could make out shapes. He rubbed his eyes. Sleep made his brain slow and he struggled to understand why his child was crying. He struggled to sit up, the stitches in his stomach pulling. There was a moment of silence as she stopped crying, before wailing at full volume.

“Okay, okay. I got you.” He scooped her up and laid her against his chest.

“What is it, huh? Does your diaper need changing?” He checked it, and finding it clean, pouted. As he stroked her hair in an attempt to calm her, he noticed her mouth at his chest. “Aha!” He whispered.

Thanking god for special gowns for breastfeeding parents, he thought as he unbuttoned the top and pushed it aside, exposing a nipple. Moments later father and daughter laid on the bed, content as she ate. Kent jumped as the door to his room slowly opened.

“Hello?” He called out, hoping it was just a nurse. No one answered and Kent looked around for anything he could use to defend his daughter, just in case. With a lack of options, he grabbed his water bottle. Maybe flying objects would scare the intruder away?

Just as he was contemplating if a water bottle could kill someone, Jack slowly walked into the room, surprise etched on his face when he saw Kent awake and staring right at him.

“Were you going to throw that?” One corner of his mouth lifted up.

“What are you doing here, Jack? It’s the middle of the night.”

His face dropped and he turned his eyes to the baby on his chest. Kent also turned his gaze to her, and seeing that she was done eating, lifted her up and patted her back, coaxing out any air in her stomach. Jack watched, enraptured. He took a small step forward and asked very quietly,

“This is her?”

“No, this is some other baby I’m breastfeeding.” Kent rolled his eyes. He settled the baby back down on his chest and rubbed her back, hoping she would fall back asleep quickly.

“Could I-“

“She needs to sleep, Jack.”

The corners of Jack’s mouth dropped, but Kent ignored the signs of discontent in his—lover? Baby daddy? Ex? They sure as hell weren’t boyfriends, as much as Kent fantasized about it. Jack’s face darkened, which Kent didn’t think was possible considering how dark the room was already.

“I have every right-“

“Yeah, yeah. You’re her dad, I know.”

Kent ran a hand through his hair. Sleep was already tugging at him again. “Just, come back tomorrow. I’m too tired, Jack. Please.”

He closed his eyes and leaned his head back. Silence followed for so long, he thought maybe Jack had left. Too exhausted to open his eyes to find out, he snuggled more deeply into the bed.

Finally, a soft voice broke the silence. “I’ll be back in the morning.” Followed by footsteps and the sound of the door opening and closing.

Morning light broke through the window as Kent laid in his bed, arm stretched out to stroke the soft head of his baby girl who was conked out, blissfully unaware of the tension in the room. She was swaddled tight, but that hadn’t stopped her from wriggling a hand free. A hand that was clutching Jack’s finger with a vice grip. Jack sat on the other side of the cot, eyes only on her.

There was an openness to his face that Kent had never seen before, but he did recognize the look of being so completely and wholly in love with someone, if only because he felt it every time he looked at their daughter. The moment was quiet, calm. 

Ever since he found out he was pregnant, he’d been filled with doubt and fear. But sitting here, with his daughter and Jack, all he could feel was whole. 

* * *

“Thalia, no!” Kent paused in the middle of making dinner at Jack’s shout.

“Everything okay?” He yelled.

Sweet giggles filled the air alongside Jack’s lightly admonishing voice. The sounds grew louder until his boyfriend and daughter stepped into the kitchen. Kent laughed as he saw Thalia with bright red marker on her face. Jack shot him an unimpressed look.

“We’re supposed to be discouraging her from coloring on herself, not encouraging it.”

Kent waved his hand apologetically before holding out his arms for his baby girl. She lunged forward and he quickly stabilized his hold on her. “Sweetheart, you know you’re only allowed to color on your papers.”

Thalia frowned and shook her head. “I colorful! Like drawings!”

Kent lightly wagged his finger before booping her nose. Her dour expression turned playful as she erupted in giggles. “Totally understandable. But you can be colorful in more fun, easier to clean ways!”

Kent almost melted when her and Jack gave him identical looks of doubt. If she hadn’t inherited his eyes and chin, she would be Jack’s twin. The timer went off and Kent handed her off Jack.

Soon, they were settled and eating at the table. Well, as settled as one could be with a two year old alternating between smashing her mashed potatoes between her fingers and trying to get out of her chair.

Kent stabbed a piece of chicken with his fork and shoved it in his mouth. He waggled his eyebrows when Jack turned up his nose. Jack gave him a disgruntled look, making Kent laugh open mouthed. Jack’s nose scrunched up as he undoubtedly saw chewed food. “You eat almost as bad as our two year old.”

Kent leaned his head back and guffawed. Thalia jumped, throwing a little smushed green beans onto the table. He patted her head in an apology. “I am offended you don’t think I can eat worse.”

Jack snorted. “Oh, I believe it.” 

Thalia squealed as they both smiled at each other, greatly amused by conversation. She thumped her hands against the tray unrhythmically. With his fork, Kent joined her. The two drummed in tandem for a moment, hopping along to the mismatched beat. Kent snuck a glance at Jack to see him staring at his phone in confusion. “You good, babe?” 

Jack thrust the phone in Kent’s face. Kent had to stop his awesome drumming as his eyes went crossed eyed. “I’m trying to video record but I can’t change it from my face.”

Kent grabbed the phone and put it at a viewable distance from his face. Thalia started whining at the loss of music and he quickly flipped the screen before handing it Jack. “Come on, baby girl. Let’s put on a concert for Papa!” 

Thalia shouted, “Yay!”, as they both continued their drumming with far more gusto. 

Seeing the phone on her, Thalia switched up the beat with a wide grin on her face. Kent laughed as he faltered. “Oh I see. Trying to make a fool of your old man for all to see, huh?” 

Thalia laughed, nodding and clapping her hands. Their little concert now done, Kent decided it was time for payback. He stealthily reaches towards her. With a battle cry, he began to tickle her

“Daddy, no!” She cried with laughter.

“I’m not daddy, I’m the tickle monster!!” 

“Tickle monster, pwease! Stop!” Kent pulled away and she giggled. “Tank you, tickle monster!” Jack chuckled at both of them. Kent looked at them both, heart so full. He thought he would never have this, but here he was. 

* * *

“She didn’t know who William Henry Harrison is. He had the shortest presidency! How can you not know that?” All of Jack’s friends laughed and Kent joined in, even though he didn’t see how it was funny. No one knew who that was unless they were a nerd. 

“Kenny asked me if Harry Truman was a talk show host from the 50s once.” 

Speaking of nerds, Kent was about to kill his as the entire table erupted. He sunk down in his seat and pulled his SnapBack down to cover half his face. Someone snatched his hat off his head and he snapped up. 

“What the fuck?” The table quieted as everyone looked at him. “Who took my hat?” 

Stephanie who Kent knew was flirting with Jack as much as he denied it. He had fucking eyes swirled it around her finger. “Chill, I was just having some fun.” Kent leaned forward and snatched his hat back, ignoring her over-exaggerated yelp. 

“You-“

Jack’s hand landed on his thigh, the weight of it anchoring him to his seat. 

“Relax, bud. I’m sure she didn’t mean anything by it.” Kent glared at Jack. Jack was never great at defending him, save a few moments in the Q, but apparently he had no problem defending literally anyone else. Jack stared back at him, face unmoving. 

After a few tense seconds, Kent turned to Stephanie, a false apologetic smile on his face. “Sorry,” he said through clenched teeth. She smiled back just as sincere (read: not sincere at all). “Don’t worry about it.” 

“So!” Some guy in an atrocious sweater clapped his hands, a bright smile on his face. “What's everyone doing for Christmas?” 

Kent crossed his arms and leaned back in his seat, checking out as everyone answered. Christmas was in three weeks, and if Kent was being honest, he was fucking jazzed. The three of them were going to Canada to visit Dad Bob and Mama Alicia. Thalia finally gained enough sentience to understand what was going on. At least, enough to understand that she got presents. “We’re going to visit my Maman and Papa for two weeks.” 

“Those are the ones who live in Canada, right?” Todd, or maybe Ted, asked. Kent really needed to learn their names, Jack had been hanging out with them for almost a year. When Jack nodded in agreement, Stephanie tilted her head towards Kent. 

“What about your parents, Kent?” 

Kent dug his fingers into his palm. “I don’t talk to them.” 

Stephanie looked concerned, as if she was truly worried for him. Kent eyed her suspiciously. “What about Thalia? Shouldn’t she know her grandparents?” 

Kent breathed in deeply and opened his mouth, but Jack beat him to it. “It’s not any of your business, Stephanie.” 

Her eyes widened and mouth dropped in shock. Kent himself was caught between shock and glee. “I-I didn’t mean. I’m so sorry, Jack,” she stuttered. 

Jack’s face softened and Kent rolled his eyes. Of course he fell for this act. “I know you didn’t. It’s personal and we’d prefer not to speak about it.” 

“Of course.” She smiled charmingly at Jack, but as soon as he looked away, glared at Kent as if it was his fault. He discreetly flipped her off. 

* * *

“There’s my girl!” Dad Bob shouted as Thalia ran full force toward him. She leaped into his waiting arms and he lifted her up, swinging her around in the air. Her shouts and squeals of laughter filled the air. 

Mama Alicia stood a couple feet away holding a sign that said ZIMMERMANN-PARSON in bold letters, watching with a fond expression. Jack and Kent strolled towards them. The heavy luggage they were both carrying wasn’t an incentive to hurry. 

By the time they reached the group, Bob was teaching Thalia a handshake. Kent sat the luggage down and greeted Alicia. They hugged each other tightly. Jack watched his dad and daughter interact in confusion until Alicia tapped him on the shoulder, getting his attention. Kent snorted as Jack smiled sheepishly before greeting and hugging his mom.

Finally, Thalia got the handshake down and Bob acknowledged their presence. He hugged them both tightly, grinning broadly. “So glad to see my boys and granddaughter! This is the best Christmas present.”

Kent laughed and thumped him on the back. “That’s what you said last year, Dad.”

He disentangled himself from the three way hug and picked up his luggage again. “And it was true then, too!”

Dad Bob grabbed some of their luggage while Mama Alicia picked up Thalia who was regaling everyone with a story. From what Kent could make out, and it wasn’t much, it was about her stuffed horse Boots and something to do with a river. He really hoped Boots was okay.

They walked out of the airport and into the freezing Canadian winter. Kent tightened Thalia’s jacket and scarf as Jack made sure her hat covered her ears. Unbeknownst to both men, Dad Bob and Mama Alicia gave each other knowing smiles.

The car ride back to the Zimmermann mansion was full of chatter. Thalia told intricate stories of her teddies and Daddy (Kent was bright red the entire time, but secretly loved it), while everyone laughed along. With fifteen minutes left of the drive, she quieted down, the lull of the drive rocking her to sleep.

The four adults had a quiet conversation, sharing jokes and stories. Mama Alicia turned back in her seat to show Kent and Jack a picture of Dad Bob surrounded by kids of all ages at an event.

“Your father is so good with kids. Must be where you get it.” She winked at Jack who flushed but looked pleased. “I got a video of them doing the Conga.” Kent eagerly sat forward in the hopes of seeing such a historical moment.

“Now, Alicia, we don’t wanna wake this one up with all that noise.” He pointed his thumb back at Thalia, who was still blissfully asleep.

Alicia rolled her eyes but turned back around in her seat. Kent pouted and slumped back in his sleep. He glared as Jack snorted.

“Don’t worry, Kent dear. One night this week we can open a bottle of wine and share embarrassing stories of our men.” 

She turned back around to wink at him and Kent had to cover his mouth to hide his laughter as Jack whispered, “Maman!” at the same time Bob said, “Alicia!”

Kent settled back into his seat and dozed the last few minutes of the ride. 

* * *

“Puppy?” Thalia vigorously shook the gift-wrapped box.

Kent snorted and leaned into Jack, saying quietly, “If it is, it’s dead now.”

Alicia giggled next to him, snuggled into Bob. “Why don’t you open it and find out, mon cheri?”

Jack leaned forward to help but Thalia shouted no and snatched the box away. “Mine! Not yours!”

Jack raised his hands in surrender.

“Hey now,” Kent got as much of her attention as he could hope.

“That wasn’t very nice.” Thalia’s bottom lip wobbled. “You’re not in trouble, but next time say no thank you instead of shouting. Okay?”

She nodded and continued to pick at her gift. Alicia pointed toward the gift with her foot. “Why don’t you open it, mon chou?”

Bob seemed fit to burst as she slowly tore the wrapper off. Kent elbowed Jack, pointing at him. “I think your dad’s more excited about this than she is.”

Jack raised an eyebrow, lips quirked in amusement. “And you’re not? Who was it that cried last Christmas?”

“First Christmas all she did was sleep in someone’s arms. Last Christmas was the one that mattered when it came to gifts!” Jack laid his arm across Kent’s shoulders and Kent snuggled into his side, sighing at the warmth. “She was more interested in the boxes the toys came in than the actual toys.”

A short shriek had them jerking towards Thalia but they relaxed the sight of her hugging a stuffed dog to her chest, babbling in excitement.

“Puppy!”

“Yay, a puppy!” Kent looked for his phone, intent on making a picture of the two his new background. She pointed her finger at Kent.

“Told you, Daddy!” She walked toward him and thrusted the stuffed animal in his face. “Puppy!”

Everyone laughed and Kent picked her up, settling her on his lap.

“You’re just too smart for your daddy. What would I do without you?”

  
“Die.”

Beside him, Jack laughed so hard Kent thought he was going to blow a gasket. Kent flicked his thigh, but that only made him laugh harder. 

* * *

The park was full of screaming kids, but Kent ignored all of them in favor of watching his own screaming child being chased by Jack.

He laughed as Jack caught up to her, picked her up, and threw her in the air. Thalia screeched, but quickly started giggling once safe in her papa’s arms. “Again, Papa!”

Jack threw her again, higher than before causing an ear splitting screech. Kent wiped at the sweat covering his forehead. The sun was fully out today and every inch of shade was taken.

He stared longingly at two parents lounging under a tree, watching their kids play. That could be him, but Jack had just bought Thalia a new coloring book and this morning was the first chance they had to color in it. Their fridge was now the proud owner of three new drawings, but now he wondered if he should have listened when Jack said they should go to the park earlier instead of later. Finally, a family under a tree started to pack up. Kent took stock of the people around him.

Only three moms had noticed and they all eyed each other. He was the furthest, and therefore least likely to reach the prized spot of shade. But what these women didn’t know is that Kent played dirty, and he was not going to spend one more minute in this fucking heat.

In an unspoken agreement, they all waited for the family to fully vacate the spot. And as soon as they did, they were off. Kent was fast, so he knew he could make up the distance in no time.

The problem was all the parents, kids, and various obstacles in his way. Like the park bench he just vaulted over, scaring an unsuspecting dog and causing it to bark it’s head off. The owner yelled at him and he waved back apologetically. He had no time to stop. He was on a mission. One of the moms had given up and was hunched over, catching her breath while the other was neck and neck with Kent. They were both so close but he was not losing this spot.

With a burst of energy, he pushed off with his foot and dived through the air, landing flat under the tree. He sat up, grinning at the other woman who flipped him off. “Fuck yeah!” He pumped a fist in the air.

“Kenny, there are kids here.” Kent jumped up as Jack and Thalia appeared next to him.

“You won, Daddy!” She wrapped her arms around his thighs, squeezing with all the strength her little body had.

“That’s right, baby girl! Daddy is the supreme ruler!”

“How am I the dork out of the two of us?” Jack asked as he set their stuff down on the grass.

Thalia wiggled to get down and, once she was safely on the ground, bee-lined toward her bag. “Juice, Papa.”

Jack kneeled down next to the bag, opening it and finding her sippy cup. “What do you say?” Her face scrunched up as she thought. The answer not coming to her, she shrugged and reached for the cup. Jack deftly moved it out of her reach. “Say please, Mon Cherie.” 

She huffed and crossed her arms. “Don’t wanna.”

Kent plopped down next to her. “Come on, Jack. Just give it to her.” 

Jack glared. “She needs to learn her manners.”

“She’s two. And thirsty. She has plenty of time to learn, come on.” Aware that one of her parents was on her side, she pouted dramatically. “Look at her. How can you say no to that face?”

Jack’s jaw clenched and it was clear he was holding back words. Thalia patted his leg. “Papa, no mad. I sowwy.” 

Jack’s face softened and he ran his head down her hair. “It’s okay, baby girl.”

He sat down and settled her onto his lap. “Here’s your juice. Just remember to use your manners, okay?”

She said an enthusiastic, “Yes, Papa,” before greedily slurping down her juice. 

* * *

Cake was smeared on the hands and faces of children running around their house. Kent loved his daughter, but he sure as fuck did not love all these other kids. Jack came running into the room and immediately beelined to him, looking just as worked and harried as him.

“Their parents were supposed to be here thirty minutes ago.”

“I know.”

Kent grabbed his arm and led him to couch, pushing him down on it. His fingers pressed into Jack’s shoulders and he grinned as Jack left out a sigh.

“I’ve called them and they should be here soon. There’s nothing we can do but wait. Besides, isn’t it better for Thalia to get all her energy out now?” Jack groaned. “I suppose.” Kent leaned down and whispered softly in Jack’s ear.

“Be a good boy and maybe I’ll reward you tonight.” Jack’s ears turned bright red. Thalia chose that moment to come screeching into the living room.

“Daddy! Papa! Come play hide and seek with us!” 

Kent patted Jack on the head. “Show time, babe. Let’s show these kids how it’s done.” 

* * *

The door closed softly, but Kent tensed as if it had slammed shut.

“Glad you finally decided to come home.” He kept his voice light and pulled at a thread on the couch, trying to seem unbothered.

“You know I have night classes.” Jack’s voice was tight. He roughly threw his jacket on the couch and walked to Kent, stopping right in front of him. “I’m tired. Can you be passive-aggressive another night?”

Kent finally looked at him, ready to snap, but the bags under his eyes stopped him short. He reached out a hand, but hesitated and let it drop. “I’m sorry,” he said lowly.

Jack nodded sharply and turned to leave. Kent watched him walk away, shoulders slumped forward and feet dragging. As soon as Jack left the room, Kent collapsed into himself. He curled into a ball and shoved his head into his arms.

There was no sound except for the soft whirring of the fan and his heavy breathing. He knew Jack was doing his best, trying to create a future for both Kent and Thalia. But he could feel the distance between them growing and it scared him, made him want to lash out.

Thalia has just turned 3. She was old enough to notice that her parents barely communicated. Barely tolerated each other. Is that what he wanted her to think love was? Kent unfolded himself. He knew he said hurtful things, he didn’t know why. But he knew he wasn’t solely to blame for the dysfunction in their relationship. 

He wasn’t ready to give up yet. They just needed to sit down and actually talk. He grabbed his laptop and opened the google search, typing in, “therapists near me.” 

* * *

“This isn’t working.”

“Hey, you’re the one who thought we should try to make bread from scratch.” It had been eight hours, but the dough had yet to rise. Kent pulled at it, the dough stretching thin until it snapped and he was left with a small piece, which he immediately tried to make into a person. Jack reached over and stilled his hand. Kent had never seen him look so serious. He set the dough down before intertwining their fingers together. “What’s wrong?”

Jack opened his mouth, but no words came out. He wiped at his eye, mouth turned down. “I thought this would be easier. I don’t know why.”

“I’m lost, babe.” Jack pulled his hand away. The cold air hit Kent’s skin and he had to stop himself from reaching out, begging for the warmth again. 

“I mean, this.” He gestured between the two of them. He sighed when Kent stared at him blankly. “Us. Our relationship.” 

Kent reared back as the words hit him. “What do you mean, ‘ _Us_?’” He used finger quotes and spat out the word. Jack’s mouth twisted and Kent knew another fight was about to start. “I’m sorry.” He held a hand out placatingly. “I’m just, confused. You said the therapist was helping?” 

Jack averted his gaze down to the counter top. “She is.” 

“But?” Kent’s mind whirled as he watched Jack brace himself. They had worked hard to get here. To be able to say how they’re feeling without the other taking it the wrong way. Most of the time anyway. It was still a work in progress, but Kent was proud of that progress. Jack tapped at the countertop. He didn’t stop until Kent laid his hand over his. “Whatever it is, we can work through it.” 

Jack shook his hand and wrenched his hand away. “That’s the thing, Kenny. I don’t think we can. I have been trying so-“ his voice cracked. He cleared his throat before trying again. “I have been trying so hard. To be a better partner to you, a better parent to Thalia.” 

He fell quiet, and Kent knew he was gathering his thoughts. He wanted to fill the silence, beg Jack to just stick with therapy, just a little longer. They were almost fixed, he could feel it. 

“We’re not good for each other, Kenny. We bring out our worst and I know therapy has been helping. But I’m still so worried things will get bad again. I don’t think that will go away. I need a break.” Kent’s bottom lip wobbled. Jack sighed and turned away.

“Don’t-“

“Don’t what? Get upset? You’re fucking breaking up with me. I think I’m allowed to be upset, Jack.” He angrily wiped the tears sliding down his checks. Jack closed his eyes and leaned his head back on a cabinet door. 

“I know. I’m not saying you can’t-,” he groaned in frustration. Opening his eyes, he turned his head to look Kent in the eyes. “This is hurting me, too.” 

“Then why are you just giving up?” Jack pushed himself away from the counter. 

“I’m not giving up.” 

“What the fuck would you call it, then?” His voice echoed in the small kitchen. 

“We’ve only been going to therapy for a month and you’re already calling it quits?” He eyed Jack up and down, lips snarled and eyes full of fake disgust. “Pathetic.” 

Jack pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes for a moment before shaking his head and laughing wetly. “I can’t deal with you anymore. Anytime you’re hurt, you have to hurt me back. It’s too much.” His blanched. “That’s not true.”

“It is and you know it. Quitting hockey, staying together and buying a house. Everything we have done has been for her, to give her the best life possible. Shouldn’t that include seeing healthy relationships?” 

The words hit him and he staggered back. Memories of his parent’s explosive fights filled his head. For a moment he was eight years old again, hearing plates shattering and hate filled words thrown around turned into the quiet aftermath of his mother sobbing as his father slammed out of the house, only to never return. His daughter would never know that pain.

“You’re right.” Kent cleared his throat. “I’ll sleep on the couch tonight. We’ll figure everything out tomorrow.” Jack reached out and Kent skitted away.

“No, Kenny, I’ll-“ But Kent had already turned and left the room.

* * *

“Alright, ladies! Hit the showers!” The girls hockey team drug themselves off the ice. They looked battered, but that was to be expected. It was their first practice after summer break, and Kent could tell most of them hadn’t practiced. He leaned his arm against the barrier, looking out on the ice. Plays ran through his head. If someone had told him five, fuck even two years ago, that he would be coaching a high school girls hockey team, he would have laughed in their face.

He never thought he would have anything to do with hockey again. He had made the choice to be a stay at home dad when Thalia was born, but when he and Jack broke up, it was no longer a viable option. For the first year after the break up, he’d flitted around jobs. Serving, retailing, he’d even lucked out as a receptionist for a few months. The last one had been the best, the hours allowing him to send Thalia to daycare and still see her at night. Then two years ago, he’d reconnected with an old friend from the Q. 

When he’d found out that Kent was looking for a job, he told him about the local high school searching for a hockey coach. Kent had blanched at the idea, not wanting anything to do with hockey. But he couldn’t stop thinking about it, and eventually called the school and got the job. Now, two years later, they were on their way to winning the Regional Championship.

A cough alerted Kent to a presence behind. He turned to see the father of one of the girls. He was a little older, late thirties, but still very attractive. He had prominent laugh lines, which wasn’t a surprise considering he was almost always smiling. His hair was short and dark, and he stood a few inches above Kent. But most importantly, his eyes were a shocking shade of blue. Not that Kent noticed or anything.

“Hey! Just sent the girls to the showers, it’ll be a few minutes.”

The guy, Steven, smiled nervously. “That’s alright. I hoping to talk to you, actually.” Kent’s eyebrow raised.

“Everything alright?” Steven’s eyes widened.

“Everything’s great! I was wondering if you might-well, that is, would you like to maybe, some time-if you have time, I know you’re very bus-“ Kent covered Steven’s mouth with his hand. Steven’s eyebrows raised and he yanked his hand away.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry. I don’t know why I did that. That was very inappropriate, I completely understand if-”

A hand covered his mouth and Kent stared at Steven in shock. He chuckled lightly, eyes twinkling and pulled his hand away. “There. Now we’re even.”

Kent ran his hand through his hair, smiling widely now that he knew he wasn’t being fired. “What were you trying to say before I so rudely stopped you?” 

“Do you eat?” Steven grimaced. “I mean, of course you eat. You would be dead if you didn’t.” Kent bit his lip in an attempt to stop laughing. Steven sighed. “What I’m trying to say is, would you like to eat..with me?” 

* * *

The restaurant was nice. The decor was simple with light brown walls, a dark floor, and flowers on every table. It might not be the nicest restaurant Kent has been to, but he loved the charm of it. Plus, they had never ending breadsticks. Steven sat across from, his hands folding and unfolding the cloth napkin.

“So, uh, how long have you been a coach?”

Kent hid a grimace. “About two years.”

Steven’s eyebrows rose up.

“Oh, wow. So this is your first coaching gig.”

“Yup.”

“What did you do before that?”

“Customer service jobs like waiting and retail. I did a stint as a receptionist for five months. What is it that you do?”

“I’m an accountant.”

“Oh!” Kent sat up a little straighter. “I always thought if hockey hadn’t taken over my life, I would have been one.”

Steven raised an eyebrow. Kent wondered if the man mainly communicated with them. “Is that so? You never struck me as someone good at math.”

Kent smiled icily at him. “I see where your daughter gets her asshole tendencies from.”

“Excuse me?”

Kent pulled out a few bills and threw them onto the table. “This isn’t working. Maybe next time try not insulting your date.” 

He left Steven sputtering. The first time he tried dating with Jack and that’s what he gets? Maybe the universe is giving him a sign. He was going to die alone.

* * *

Thalia rambled about her stay with Jack as Kent cut the carrots. He was half listening, only catching snippets here and there. “And then Bitty-“

The knife stopped. “Bitty? Who’s Bitty?”

Thalia bit her lip and played with the sleeve of her shirt. Kent gave her a reassuring smile and resumed cutting. “He’s Papa’s boyfriend.”

The knife hit the cutting board with a loud Thwack! “Oh, that’s nice. Did you have fun with him?”

Thalia quietly resumed her story, but when Kent made no adverse reactions, she quickly picked up speed and volume. Kent tried to pay attention. After all, if Thalia had met this Bitty (the fuck kind of name was Bitty, anyway?), it must be serious. But his mind was racing, who was he? Why hadn’t Jack said anything? How long had they been together? He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“-and Bitty said my lace was the best he’d ever seen! But I think he was lying, Daddy, cause his was way better than mine.”

“Lace?” What in the H-E-double-FUCK was Jack’s new boyfriend doing with his daughter? What did that even mean?

“On a pie, Daddy.”

Her tone said he was an idiot. He may be an idiot but he was pretty sure lace had nothing to do with a pie. “You two made pies?”   
  
Her face scrunched up. “Were you not listening? That’s not very nice.” He sat down the knife and went to the corner. “What are you doing?”

“What happens when we’re not nice?”

Her face scrunched up more and Kent held back laughter. “We go to time out?”

She giggled as he gestured at the corner of the wall in front of him dramatically. “You’re silly, Daddy.” He laughed and went to scoop her up in a hug. She wrapped her arms around his neck. 

* * *

Kent sat at a table in the far back corner, staring out the window and watching people pass. He was early, but he wanted a chance to get his emotions together before meeting Bitty. His fingers wrapped tightly around his coffee mug. The heat seeping into his hands grounded him. His body was filled with restless energy causing his leg to move up and down. Jack entered the coffee shop with a young man Kent assumed was Bitty. He snorted to himself. Jack really had a type. Blonde? Check. Shorter than him? Checkity check.

Jack nodded Bitty toward Kent’s table before getting in line. Kent sat up straight as Bitty made a beeline toward him, a hesitant smile on his lips. He wanted to stand up to greet him, but he figured that might be too much and he didn’t want Bitty to think Kent respected him.

Bitty reached the table and they stared at each other in awkward silence for a few minutes before he held his hand out and introduced himself as Eric. Kent loosely shook his hand and gestured for him to sit down.

“I take it Bitty is only reserved for friends?”

“Yes,” his voice was honeysweet, but it couldn’t completely hide the sharpness in it. Kent’s eyebrow rose and wondered if this might actually turn out interesting.

They sat across from each other, avoiding eye contact and not saying anything. Kent watched as Jack reached the middle of the line and prayed it picked up.

“Oh, this is silly.” Bitty—no, sorry, Eric—finally broke the silence, a look of exasperation on his face.

“You sound like my daughter.”

Eric looked at him sharply. “She’s Jack’s daughter, too.”

Kent smirked at him. “Oh, I am very aware.”

Eric scrunched his nose at him. “Jack warned me you might be unpleasant.”

Kent laughed loudly causing Jack and other patrons to look at them. Eric cheeks reddened and he glared at Kent. He smiled cheekily. Jack set down two drinks on the table, breaking Kent and Eric’s mini staring contest. Bitty smiled up at him, eyes bright and so obviously in love. Kent’s heart broke a little more when he saw Jack looking back with the same expression. Jack sat in the chair next to Eric, diagonal from Kent.

“So, this is him.” Kent jutted his chin toward Eric who frowned.

“He is right here. You can address me.”

Jack shifted in his seat, eyes darting between the two. Kent bit his bottom lip to stop from smiling. Good old Zimms, still incapable of defending the one he supposedly loved.

“Cut it out, Kent. If you can’t be nice, then we’ll leave.”

Anger and embarrassment rushed through him, but he took a deep breath. Anger that Jack could defend this boyfriend, but he never could for Kent. Embarrassment that, despite years of therapy, his first reaction was to be an asshole when it came to Jack. He should probably give Sharon a call after this. “I’m sorry. This is just..uncomfortable. But that’s no excuse for being an asshole.”

Eric’s face softened for a moment, before hardening again. “Thank you for the apology.” Kent hid a smile at the way he skirted around accepting it.

“So, Eric,” Kent leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table, clasping his hands together, “tell me about yourself.”

“I’m a junior in college getting a degree in American Studies. I was born and raised in Georgia and I make the best pie you’ll ever have.” Kent opened his mouth to retort but Eric kept talking. “And what about you, Mr. Parson?”

“I’m the girl’s hockey coach at Malorie High. Been there for six years now.”

For a moment, Eric looked impressed but his face quickly resumed a neutral look. “Jack told me he coached peewee, but I’m sure it’s nothing compared to high school girls.”

Kent snorted. “You have no idea.”

He launched into one of many stories about the girls. They were hard workers and he was proud of them, but when there was drama, it blew up bigger than he could ever imagine. Eric leaned forward as he told stories, eyes bright and clearly engaged. This egged Kent on and soon they were both sharing stories about the drama that has occurred in their lives. Jack watched them both, perplexed but happy.

In a lull, Kent startled when Jack spoke. He hadn’t realized Jack hadn’t said much the entire night. “This isn’t how I thought the night would go, but I’m really happy you two are hitting it off.”

And just like that, Kent shut down. He had forgotten who Eric was, what he meant to Jack. This was his competition and Kent was bonding with him. What kind of idiot did that? Eric grinned widely at him.

“Me, too. I was worried about meeting you, but now I see I had nothing to worry about! What’s your favorite pie?”

Jack laughed. “Oh, wow. You won him over quick, Kenny.”

Kent raised an eyebrow as Eric giggled and pushed Jack’s shoulder. “Oh, hush, you.”

“Am I getting one of your famous pies?”

Eric rolled his eyes. “I don’t know about famous but yes.”

“Well according to Thalia they’re the best pies she’s ever had.”

Eric flushed and smiled, pleased. “Thanks, hun. Now, what’s your favorite pie?”

Xxxx 

Kent left the cafe with a promise of blackberry pies and a feeling of unease in his stomach. Bitty was loveable and Kent didn’t stand a chance. 

* * *

“I don’t feel comfortable with this, Jack. I’ve never met Bitty’s parents and I’m sure as hell not giving up a Christmas with Thalia. When we broke up, you promised we would always spend Christmas together at your parents.”

Jack breathed harshly out his nose and Kent knew he was pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. “That was before either of us got serious with someone. Bitty and I have been together for two years, Kent. It makes sense that we go to his parents for Christmas!”

“I’m not serious with anyone-“

“I’m aware.”

Kent pulled the phone away and counted to ten. After a few calming breaths, he put the phone back to his ear. “And even if I was, I wouldn’t just spring this on you. We’re supposed to leave for your parents in two weeks. I already have the plane tickets! You had all year to discuss this with me.”

“Look, I know, I just.” Jack paused. Kent leaned back in his chair, head thudding against the wall. He held in his frustration, giving Jack the time to gather his thoughts. “Bitty was talking about his parents and Georgia. Thalia said she wanted to meet them so Bitty asked if we could come for Christmas. He was so excited, I couldn’t say no.”

Wait, hold up. “You couldn’t say no? What the fuck, Jack, you already told him yes?” Years of therapy had helped him to control his emotions, to stop from lashing out at people. But here, right now, Jack was really trying him. Jack was silent on the line. Kent laughed bitterly. “Jesus Christ, Jack. We’re supposed to be communicating better.”

“I know, Kenny.” His voice was soft, regretful. Kent recognized it well. “I should have asked you first. I got swept up.”

Kent collected his thoughts. The drama free option, and the best option for Jack, was for Kent to agree. But that wouldn't be better for Kent, and it didn’t solve any of his concerns.

“I’m sorry, Jack. But I’m not comfortable with this. Maybe next year, but this is too short of notice.”

There was a clicking noise as Jack swallowed. “I understand.”

“Tell Thalia goodnight for me?”

“Of course.” There was a beep as the call ended.

* * *

The loud blaring of his phone cut through his sleep. With one eye open, he checked to see who was calling him at this ungodly hour. Bitty. Bitty was calling him? Bitty had never called him. Suddenly awake, Kent answered the call.

“What’s wrong? Is Thalia okay?” There was a beat of silence on Bitty’s end. “Bitty, is my daughter okay?”

The trembling in Kent’s voice must have knocked Bitty out of whatever moment he was having because he answered lightning quick. “Everything is fine, Kent. I just had something I wanted to discuss with you.”

Ken twisted to get a look at his alarm clock. “At five in the morning?”

“I’m sorry, it’s just this has been eating me up and things have been so busy I haven’t had a chance to call and-“

“Woah, woah, woah. Breath, Bitty.” Bitty sucked in air. “Okay, let it out slowly.” He waited a few seconds until he was done. “You good?”

“Yeah,” Bitty was quieter, more subdued. “Sorry about that.”

“Don’t worry about it. What was it you wanted to talk to me about?”

“I wanted to apologize.”

Kent racked his brain, trying to think of what in the world Bitty felt the need to apologize for. Last time they talked they were a little rude to each other, but that was their thing. “Uh, what for?”

“I should have never brought up Christmas like that. It was something we all should have discussed together. I am so sorry! I just want Thalia to like me and I got so caught up in it, I didn’t even think and-“

“Hey, Bitty, it’s okay.”

Bitty breathed in harshly, trying to catch his breath. “You sure, hun?”

“Yeah. Look, I can tell you for a fact that Thalia adores you. But you have to understand, she’s my daughter and it’s not gonna be so easy for me to give up traditions, especially on such short notice.”

“I know.” Bitty got quiet. “You sure you’re not mad?” Kent grinned but suppressed a laugh of surprise. 

“I’m not mad. Now, why don’t we discuss Thalia possibly spending Christmas with you next year?”

Kent pulled the phone away from his ear and could still hear Bitty’s squealing. He shook his head and chuckled quietly. The cracks in their relationship were finally being mended.

* * *

Kent fixed Thalia’s scarf snugly around her throat. “You sure you have everything?”

She rolled her eyes. “Yes, dad.”

“Even your toothbrush?”

“I forgot it one time!” Her bottom lip jutted out.

Kent pushed a stray piece of hair out of her face. His baby girl was getting so big. It felt like yesterday he watched her take her first steps, and now he was spending his first Christmas without her. Tears pricked his eyes and he quickly looked away from her.

“Jack and Bitty are going to be here any minute. Give your old dad a big hug.” She grumbled in annoyance, but threw her arms around him, holding tightly.

“I’m gonna miss you, Daddy.” She mumbled into his shirt. A tear escaped his eye and he reached up, hastily wiping it away. He pulled back and held her tiny face in his hands. “I’m gonna miss you, too. But you’re gonna have so much fun with your Papa and Bitty’s family.”

She nodded, sniffling. “I know.”

Kent chuckled and kissed her forehead. Lights shone through the window and he hugged her one more time.

“Alright, bug. Time for you to go.”

They walked outside as Jack and Bitty got out of the car. Jack immediately grabbed her bags, putting them in the trunk. Bitty greeted them both and pulled Thalia in for a hug.

“This is going to be so fun! Mama and Daddy are so excited to meet you. My Mama said she made a pie special, just for you!”

Thalia brightened. “What kind?”

Bitty booped her in the nose. “Blueberry, of course.”

Thalia grinned, bouncing on her toes. “I love blueberry!”

Bitty laughed brightly, noise twinkling through the cold, winter air. “Do you? I had no idea,” he teased.

Kent looked at the boarding time on Thalia’s ticket. “You guys should get going. You board in an hour.”

Thalia barreled into him, arms wrapping tightly around him. “You’ll call me everyday, right?”

Kent squeezed back just as hard. “Of course, bug. I love you.”

“I love you, too!”

They squeezed one last time before Thalia left go and grabbed her stuff. She bounced on her feet once before exclaiming, “Are we going or what?” 

All three men chuckled. Bitty grabbed her hand and they started walking toward the inside of the airport. 

“Have a nice Christmas, Kent!” Jack waved before trailing behind them. Kent took in a deep breath. It was his first Christmas without Thalia and the pain was already setting in. 

* * *

His eyes had started to blur five minutes ago, his fingers ached, and his ass was going numb. Still, the image stayed the same. Jack and Bitty. Bitty and Jack. Engaged. 

He could no longer make the image out clearly, but Jack and Bitty grinning widely while Bitty showed off his ring, so obviously happy and in love, was burned into his retinas. The caption: “I said yes!,” erased all hope in Kent.

In the back of his head, he had assumed that him and Jack would get back together. They needed to separate, he knew that. But once they figured themselves out and got help separately? They would have been perfect, he knew it. Even when he dated other men, they were placeholders. Just someone to help chase away the loneliness and warm an empty bed. But this, this was real. This meant Bitty wasn’t some passing phase. The knowledge that Jack never asked him to marry, even with a child, sat with him hard. He hadn’t wanted to get married at first, either, wanted to do it for the right reasons. But that was when Thalia was a baby and they were still struggling to find their place as parents, as partners. 

Kent finally set his phone down, the loud thud as it hit the coffee table barely registering to him. He needed to face reality. In the words of his second favorite singer, he and Jack were “never ever ever getting back together.”


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woot last chapter!!! Hope you all enjoy the ending!!

_I’m soaked on ambition and verve. I’m gonna get what I deserve. So full of ambiti_ \- 

Kent slammed the off button on the alarm. He rolled onto his back, staring blankly at the ceiling. If it weren’t for his daughter, he would blow off this whole weekend.

He was surprised to get an invite to the wedding, but he figured it made sense seeing as they had decided to be a more cohesive unit for Thalia. But even an invite to the Bachelor party? It made no sense. As if the wedding wouldn’t be bad enough, but now he had to spend an entire night watching his ex and his ex’s fiancé be all over each while getting increasingly drunk. Because there was no way he was getting through this night without being exceptionally hammered.

Eventually, he managed to crawl out of bed and into the shower. The hot water pounded down on his back, and his body fought to relax. A sharp pain shot up the right side of his neck and he rubbed at it, wincing. He hadn’t been awake for more than twenty minutes and already his body was conspiring against him. It was going to be a long day. 

* * *

Blaring music spilled out the open door of a house that had seen better days. He pulled up to the curb and idled, not quite ready to go inside and see Jack and Bitty all loved up.

The house belonged to one of their friends from college. He’s pretty sure the dude said his name was Shitty on the phone when he had been invited, and he really wanted to find out whether or not it was a nickname.

A quick knock on his passenger window caused him to jump. He rolled down the window and saw a tiny woman. The look of suspicion in her eyes made him feel slightly defensive and he rolled down the window with trepidation.

“Can I help you?,” his voice was flat and it gave an air of boredom. The woman looked so unimpressed with him that his face twitched in an effort to show he was unaffected.

“Do you always creepily sit alone in your car outside someone’s house at night?”

“Only the ones I’m going to rob.”

He grinned at her, his charm in full effect. She rolled her eyes and stepped back, giving Kent room to get out of the car.

“You must be Kent. Bitty told me about you.”

He snorted. “All bad things, I assume.”

She smirked. “About 80/20.”

“Only half of it’s true, I promise.” “Even the thing with the duck?”

His eyes widened. “Bitty told you about that? Listen, he stole my bread-“ 

She laughed and looped her arm through his, leading him toward the house. “Whatever you say, dude. You know how to play beer pong?” 

* * *

“-were created to keep the people docile. It’s been that way since the beginning of mankind, man.” Shitty took a long drag before handing the blunt off to Kent.

“Bread and circuses, sports and pizza.” Kent shook his head. “The government thinks they’re slick, but we know.” He nodded solemnly at Shitty who nodded back approvingly and held his fist up. Kent lightly tapped it before before taking a hit and leaned his head back against the wall. Everything was slow and fuzzy and he felt good.

“You get it, man. I like you.” Kent snorted, shifting in discomfort.

“Nah, dude, you’re chill.” Kent turned that over in his head. He can’t think of a time anyone has said he’s cool, besides Thalia.

“Thanks.”

“Yo, have you met Lardo?” Shitty stood up quickly, not wanting for Kent’s answer. “You’re gonna love her bro, come on.”

Kent sputtered. “Wait, I-“

Shitty let out a loud bird noise as he entered the house and Kent shook his head at the answering call. 

He followed closely behind as Shitty and—he presumed—Lardo made bird calls at each other until they entered the kitchen and found her lounging against the island. She nodded her head towards them. “Sup, bros?” 

* * *

Kent was currently melting into the couch while Jack and Bitty’s friends were having a dance contest in the middle of the makeshift dance floor. He was pretty sure the kid doing the sprinkler was named Chowder. God, he loved hockey nicknames.

The couch moved as Bitty dramatically fell onto it. Kent laughed as he threw his head back, groaning loudly.

“You good?” Bitty threw an arm over his head, pouting petulantly. “No offense, dude, but not even Thalia is this dramatic.”

He moved his arm just enough to glare at Kent. “Jack says I can’t make anymore pies for the wedding. Can you believe that?”

Kent bit his lip, unsure of what to say. Over the past few months he and Bitty had made an effort to repair their relationship, but they weren’t really friends. At least, not the kind of friends that complain to each other.

“Uh, I mean, he probably just wants you to relax. Since it’s your wedding day and all.” Bitty threw his arm off, slapping the space of couch in between them.

“But baking relaxes me!” He huffed and slapped the couch again. “Sometimes I wonder if Jack really understands me.”

Kent’s eyes darted around, looking for anyone who could save him from this nightmare. “You don’t mean that.”

Bitty deflated, sinking into couch. “You’re right, I don’t.” He pulled at a loose string on the couch, tearing it off. “I don’t know why I said that.”

Kent breathed in deeply and cursed every entity out there. Fake or otherwise. “You’re drunk and nervous. Don’t worry, you’ll wake up tomorrow ready to marry the love of your life.” 

A hint of bitterness seeped out in his tone, but Bitty hadn’t noticed. He was gazing up at the ceiling, with a contemplative expression on his face. The rest of the group partied on but they sat in silence, the noise barely penetrating the weird bubble it felt like they were in. 

“Do you think we’ll ever be friends?” Kent sucked in a sharp breath. Bitty’s voice was so soft and timid, as if he already knew the answer but was hoping for a different outcome.

“Yeah,” Kent replied, voice just as soft. “I think we will be.” 

* * *

The bar was mostly empty, save for him and the bartender. He’d been cut off twenty minutes ago but that didn’t matter. No amount of alcohol stopped the memories of Jack and Bitty plastered at each other’s side. Of Jack looking at Bitty the way Kent always wished he would look at him. 

He couldn’t see straight and he was certain that if he tried to get out of the chair he would face plant. He knew he would come to regret it tomorrow when he had to be present and so fucking happy for the couple. Bitty would not be happy with him being hungover and probably still a bit pissed. But for now, even though he couldn’t forget, the alcohol made it a little bit easier to bear the pain. He wasn’t sure how he got home but he knows he was surrounded by warmth and on something soft when he fell asleep. 

* * *

_I’m soaked on ambition and verve. I’m gonna get what I deserve. So full of ambiti_ -

Kent hit the snooze and groaned. He rubbed his eyes and slowly sat up, surprised that he felt no pain considering how much he drank last night. He didn’t have much memory of the night before but he vaguely remembered crying sprawled out on a sidewalk. God, he hoped no one had witnessed that. He moved to get out of bed but only got has far as throwing the blanket off.

Jack was getting married today. He was going to marry some cute, southern boy who knew how to bake and handle his emotions while Kent was going to spend the rest of his days in pain and alone and in love with Jack. He dragged himself out of bed and into the shower. He stared at the shower wall for he didn’t know how long, willing himself to move.

An hour later he finally left the bathroom, clean but feeling worse for the wear. He got the suit out of the closet and hung it on the back of the closet door. His eyes tracked down the garment, taking in the stitching and fitted lines. Shoulders slumped, he grabbed his phone and quickly called Jack. No one answered. Kent huffed and dialed again.

“Hello,” a muffled, southern voice said. Kent pulled back and stared at the phone in disbelief. Why did Bitty answer the phone? More importantly, was he sleeping? It was half past nine in the morning.

Kent could hear Bitty’s muffled voice and quickly put the phone back to his ear, catching the end. “-alright, Kent?”

“Yeah, I was just making sure Thalia got there okay. I’m sure you guys are busy getting ready, but I’d like to say good morning real quick, too.” Bitty hummed, sounding confused. Kent rubbed at his eyes. Sleep still tugged at him and he wasn’t in the mood for whatever this is.

“Kent, honey, I think you got your days mixed. It’s the 24th, the wedding isn’t until tomorrow.” Kent huffed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“If you don’t want me to come to the wedding, that’s fine. But don’t lie-“

“I’m not lying!” Bitty sounded more awake now, and very mad. Kent thought that was pretty unfair, considering he was the one being fucked with. “I swear to god, Kent, if you don’t show up to the wedding tomorrow Jack and Thalia will be devastated and I will not be responsible for my actions. Figure your shit out.”

The dial tone sounded and Kent flung his phone on the bed in frustration. He should skip the wedding, fuck Bitty. Who did he think he was, telling him what to do? Threatening him? He picked up his phone again, and typed out an excuse to Jack.

Just as he was about to hit send, the fight left him. His daughter was so excited that the three of them were functioning so well. If he bailed, it would break her heart. Moving to the kitchen, the conversation replayed in his head as he made breakfast. Why would Bitty say it’s the day before the wedding if he wasn’t messing with him?

Kent picked up his phone again, tempted to text Shitty asking if the best man had given out a hallucinogen last night. His eyes caught sight of the date and the phone dropped from his hands, clattering onto the counter. He snatched the phone up, desperately hoping he’d read the date wrong. But the date was unchanged.

_Friday, April 24_

The screen turned blurry and it took a moment to realize his hands were shaking so hard, he could barely read the date anymore. 

“Fuck,” he said softly, panic slowly starting to set in. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.” Had yesterday been a dream? A dream so vivid that he truly believed it had happened? He took deep breaths. That had to be it. There was no other explanation. 

* * *

He pulled up to the address. The house was exactly the same. The music blaring out of it was exactly the same. Maybe he was psychic. That seems like something his mother would have kept from him.

A quick knock on his passenger door caused him to jump. He turned and saw Lardo. He slowly rolled down the window. He hadn’t talked to his mother in years but maybe he should give her a call. See if being a psychic runs in the family. She regarded him with the same amount of suspicion from his dream and he shivered.

“Hi,” he asked nervously. He cleared his throat and continued more strongly. “Can I help you?”

“Do you always creepily sit alone in your car outside someone’s house at night?”

He plastered a fake smile on his face, hoping it wasn’t obvious he was five seconds from shitting himself.

“Only places I’m going to rob.” She rolled her eyes and stepped back. He knew she was giving him room to step out of his car and did so, feeling as if he was following an invisible script.

“You must be Kent. Bitty told me about you.”

He laughed a little hysterically. “All bad things, I assume.”

She smirked. “About 80/20.” 

“Only half of it’s true, I promise.”

“Even the thing with the duck?”

He widened his eyes comically, playing his part. “Bitty told you about that? Listen, he stole my bread-“

She laughed and looped her arm through his, leading him toward the house. “Whatever you say, dude. You know how to play beer pong?” 

* * *

Kent sat on the couch, sober as fuck and trying not to freak out. Everything was the same. Even Chowder dancing horribly hadn’t changed, and if any part of last night wasn't real, he was certain that was it.

Kent tensed as Bitty fell dramatically onto the couch. He didn’t know if he could handle having this conversation again. Bitty groaned loudly, prompting him to ask the same question he had in his dream.

“You good?” Bitty threw an arm over his head, pouting petulantly. Kent wiped the sweat off his top lip. “No offense, dude, but not even Thalia is this dramatic.”

He moved his arm just enough to glare at Kent. “Jack says I can’t make anymore pies for the wedding. Can you believe that?”

Kent’s fingers played a melody on his leg. This was too weird. Maybe he was in a coma. “He probably just wants you to relax. Since it’s your wedding day and all.”

Bitty threw his arm off, slapping the space of couch in between them. Kent jumped, nerves keeping him on edge.

“But baking relaxes me!” He huffed and slapped the couch again. “Sometimes I wonder if Jack really understands me.” Kent’s jaw clenched. “You don’t mean that.”

Bitty depleted, sinking into couch. “You’re right, I don’t.” He pulled at a loose string on the couch, tearing it off. “I don’t know why I said that.”

Kent breathed in deeply and cursed every entity out there. Again. “You’re drunk and nervous. Don’t worry, you’ll wake up tomorrow ready to marry the love of your life.” Just like in his dream or psychic vision, a hint of bitterness seeped out in his tone. 

And just like in his dream or vision, Bitty was too busy contemplating to notice.

“Do you think we’ll ever be friends?”

He knew it was coming and still, the question felt like a punch to the gut, knocking all the air out of him.

“Yeah,” Kent replied, voice rough. “I think we will be.” 

* * *

_I’m soaked on ambition and verve_ -

Kent slammed the off buttom. The lyrics played on a loop in his head. He heard the song every morning when he woke up, but today it filled him with trepidation and fear. Something felt off and he wasn’t sure what to do. He picked up his phone, breath hitching as he unlocked the screen.

_Friday, April 24th_

Yesterday he could blow it off as déjà vu or a weird dream.

But this was what? His third Friday in a row? He racked his brain, trying to remember every moment of the first Friday. He woke up, got ready, went to the party, went to the bar, and then… nothing. He remembered nothing after the bar.

Throwing the blankets off, he threw on his clothes and grabbed his keys on his way out the door. He didn’t know what was going on, but he sure as fuck was going to find out and he had a feeling the answer was at that bar.

xxxxxx

Kent stood in front of the entrance to the bar, mentally cursing himself. He had been so eager to figure out what was happening, he had forgotten the bar wouldn’t be open until six that night. He rubbed a hand down his face and collapsed onto the wall. He had eight hours to waste until the bar was open.

Looking around at the buildings near him, he stood up right as he caught sight of something. Grabbing his phone, he dialed his parents (Alicia and Bob, the only people he called mom and dad) while heading toward his car. He had a surprise for his daughter.

Xxxxxxx

“Dad, where are we going? Don’t you need to get ready for Papa and Bitty’s party?”

Kent grinned at Thalia mischievously. “I’ll have time later. Do you wanna guess what your surprise is?”

She tilted her head, eyes narrowed and watching him with teasing distrust. “If I win, what do I get?”

“You can have one,” he pointed his finger up and emphasized, “ _one_ thing from the gift shop.”

She jolted up in her seat. “Gift shop? Are we going to a museum?”

Kent sighed dramatically. “You are far too smart for you old dad.”

She grinned. “I know.”

Minutes later, they were parked and finally entering the Science Museum. Thalia rambled excitedly next to him. They went to the one by their house frequently, but he knew she would enjoy getting to see new exhibits.

“Look!” She pointed toward something strange and large and circular. Kent tilted his head, trying to get a better look. It looked almost like a...honeycomb? “It’s a beehive!”

With those words, she dashed off and scrambled into the largest beehive Kent had ever seen. Granted, it was fake. He walked around, trying to occupy himself while she played. He read the plaque the museum had put and learned far more about bees and their habitat than he ever thought he would. Eventually, Thalia grew bored and they moved on.

They spent hours in the museum. Kent was constantly amazed at how bright and extraordinary his daughter was. She was only ten and knew far more about the things they saw than he did. It made him proud, knowing that he and Jack were doing such a great job in raising their little girl.

At the end of the big exhibit, which Thalia had to bribe Kent to even step foot in, they finally left and headed back to the grandparents on account of Kent “needs to freshen up for Papa and Bitty and do something about that hair. Really, dad, did you even brush it before leaving the house?”

Xxxxx

Kent clutched the phone as it rang. He knew Bitty would be upset, and even though he was pretty sure this day would be erased, he still felt guilty.

“Hey, Kent! Are you on your way?” He bit his bottom lip, trying to waste time as he thought of a good excuse.

“Yeah, uh, I’m feeling pretty sick. I don’t think I’m gonna make it.” Bitty was silent on the other end.

“Well, I hope Thalia doesn’t catch it.” Kent cringed.

“Yeah, me too. Hit me really quick.”

“Well, feel better, hun. Call me if you need anything.”

“Yeah, Bitty, of course. Have fun tonight.”

Bitty took another pause and Kent was sure he had hung up before saying a quiet, “Thank you,” and hanging up.

Kent flopped onto his bed and screamed into his pillow. The day had been filled with so many different emotions he was exhausted, but he still needed to go to the bar and find out what happened.

Xxxxxxx

He wrinkled his nose as he stepped into the bar. The smell of alcohol and peanuts filled his nostrils. He remembered thinking that the smell was strong the first time he had come here, and his eyes zeroed in on the seat he had occupied at the bar.

A bartender, different from the one when he was there, was wiping down the nearest surfaces. He strode to the seat and hopped into it. He settled in before taking a look around. Soft classic rock played throughout the darkened bar. While there was only small groups of people scattered about, it was still more lively than the night he had been here.

“Can I help you?” The bartender leaned towards him.

“Just a water and uh,” Kent frantically searched for something appetizing on the menu written on the wall in front of him. “Cheese fries.”

The bartender went off with his order and Kent resumed looking around. Nothing seemed off. There was no person with a powerful aura walking around. He wasn’t getting any bad vibes. The bartender came back and Kent spent the rest of the night slowly eating his fries, hoping that eventually something would happen. 

When it hit closing, he resigned himself to the fact that he had been wrong. Nothing happened at the bar. He slowly walked home and passed out seconds after crawling into bed. 

* * *

_I’m soaked on ambition and verve_ -

Kent grabbed his phone and aggressively turned off the alarm. If he had to hear that stupid song one more fucking time he was gonna—well, he didn’t know what he was going to do but it sure as fuck wouldn’t be pretty.

Rolling out of bed, he groaned. He didn’t even know what day it was anymore. He had gone back to the bar multiple times. Went to the library and read books. Fuck, he even talked to Shitty. All dead ends. He didn’t know if he would ever get out of this time loop. He didn’t know what day it was, he had stopped counting. Days passed endlessly as he followed a script.

He fistbumped his image in the mirror and ignored the fact that his smile never reached his eyes anymore. 

* * *

“Kent!” Shitty yelled across the house. It took some effort, but Kent managed to muster enough enthusiasm in his response that Shitty didn’t get suspicious. “Would you like to partake?”

He asked as he shook a bag of weed around.

“Yeah, man.” He clapped Shitty on the shoulder before following him outside.

This was his favorite part of the day. Everything else felt dull but this. He could smoke weed and just let go for a few hours. Forget that he was stuck here forever and never going to fucking figure out why it was happening in the first place. Shitty held out the joint to him and he took a long drag, letting his body relax and his mind wander. Everything turned fuzzy and he smiled. 

* * *

“Kent. Kent, honey, you’re so _alone_.” Bitty swayed on his feet before him, bright eyed and earnest. “Jack and I care so much about you, let us-“

“Nope.” Kent barely got a glimpse of Bitty’s shocked and confused face before he turned and left the house. Usually, he would have suffered through whatever that was to keep the peace but now? Now, his actions had no consequences. Maybe this time loop thing wasn’t so bad. 

* * *

This time loop thing was driving Kent insane. It’d been days? Months? A fucking year? He had no fucking idea how long he’d been stuck living the same day over and over and over and _over_ and—well, you get the idea. 

His days had turned grey. The only light were the days he spent with Thalia but those days were becoming less and less. Each day took more energy from him and he wasn’t sure how much he had left. 

* * *

_I’m soaked on am_ -

Kent grabbed his phone and chucked it at the wall. It bounced off, leaving a dent and a broken phone. He signed in relief at the sudden silence that filled the room. Rolling over, the exhaustion he had been fighting for so long overtook him.

Hours later, Kent groaned and rubbed at his eyes. A loud noise had woken him and it took him a few moments to realize it was someone banging on his door.

“Kent!” Kent sat up in shock as Jack’s voice bellowed through the door. “Kenny, open up!” Kent reached for his phone before remembering it was broken and across the room. He sighed and got out of bed, hurrying to the door before Jack could kick it down.

“Maybe we should get someone, honey. What if he’s hurt?” That was Bitty, and the concern in his voice shocked Kent more than anything. He quickly opened the door and stood rooted to the ground as Jack and Bitty stared at him, both looking frantic and more worried than Kent had ever seen.

“Is Thalia okay?”

Bitty pushed past Kent into the room, scanning every surface once in there. “Thalia is okay. Are you?”

Kent stared at them both incredulously. “Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You didn’t show up to the party, Kenny.” Jack gently placed a hand on his arm and led him over to the couch. They sat down, Jack still touching him.

“We were worried when we called you and you didn’t answer.” Bitty picked up the broken phone and touched the dent in the wall. “Guess this explains why.”

Kent flushed, suddenly embarrassed for them to see the result of his frustration and depression. Jack placed his hand on the back of a Kent’s neck.

“What’s wrong, Kenny?” Bitty sat down next to him, so close their thighs were pressed together.

“I-I just-“

The contact was jumbling his brain. He realized it had been days since he had touched someone else. Bitty laid a hand on Kent’s knee and slowly rubbed his thumb. “Honey, we’re here for you. Whatever this is, we’ll help you, together.”

His eyes blurred and he quickly rubbed his eyes, trying to hide the effect Bitty’s words had. “You won’t believe me.”

“Try us,” Jack said firmly.

Kent took a deep breath before finally spilling everything. How each day started over. He wasn’t sure how many April 24ths he had lived through at this point. He could see the skepticism in their faces but when he described all the days he could remember, their faces turned more grave and somber.

“I don’t know what’s causing this.” He choked out, tears flowing freely down his face. “I’ve tried so hard to find out and to fix this but nothing-“ his voice cracked, “-nothing I do works. I’m not smart enough, I can’t-“

“You stop that right now, mister.” Kent reeled back as Bitty poked him in the chest. “You are one of the smartest people I know. Remember when you helped me buy a car? You did all the math in you heard and helped me get the best deal possible. I don’t know anyone who can do that.”

Kent sniffled, staring down at his knees as a blush overtook his cheeks. “Thanks, Bitty. But I still can’t figure this out.”

“That’s because you’ve been going at it alone. But now you have us, don’t you, sweetheart?”

Kent swallowed thickly at the nickname. He looked back and forth between them. They were both determined and he knew he wouldn’t get out of accepting their help. 

“That means a lot.” He grabbed both their hands and squeezed.

* * *

“You’ve been to the bar?”

“Yes, Jack.”

“And what about the-“

“And the library.”

Bitty groaned and dropped his head onto the table. “Maybe we should call it a night.”

“We can’t!” Bitty and Jack jumped at Kent’s exclamation. He continued in a softer voice. “You won’t remember.”

Bitty scrunched his face. Kent turned his face away, overwhelmed by the cuteness, and caught eyes with Jack who gave him a knowing smile. He flushed and looked in the other direction. Bitty and Jack had been confusing him all night. Small touches, sitting next to him when they could. Kent had never heard Bitty use so many pet names in his life.

“Oh, I know! Call us first thing tomorrow and tell me the name Zacharia Benchwood. I’ll believe anything you say after that!” Kent’s bottom lip wobbled and he tried to rein in his emotions. Bitty got up and sat next to him. “Honey, I know it’s not ideal, but tomorrow we’ll have a whole day to figure things out.”

“I know, I just. This? You guys believing me has meant so much. I don’t know if I can wake up tomorrow and have all of this be gone.”

“Kenny.” Jack sounded broken as he got up and knelt in front of Kent. “You are the second most important person in our lives, after Thalia. We will always believe you.”

“I don’t understand why you guys are-“ Kent cut himself off and rubbed at his face, sniffling.

Bitty rubbed his back. “Why we’re what?”

“Being so kind.”

Bitty and Jack’s face warped. They looked both sad and hurt. “It’s because we love you.”

Kent stared at Bitty, sure he heard wrong. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”

Bitty stared back at him, more determined than he had ever seen, and maybe a little scared. “We love you, Kent Veronica Parson.”

“That’s not my middle name.” They all chuckled.

“I’m still confused. Do you mean you love me or you _love_ me?” Bitty and Jack shared a silent conversation before Jack nodded.

“This is something we have both been discussing for awhile. I’ve always loved you, Kenny, and I’ve never stopped.”

Kent breathed in sharply. “You don’t-you can’t.”

Jack reached up and cradled his cheek. “I do. We do.” 

“The question is,” Bitty interrupted in a soft, timid voice. “Do you?”

Kent watched Bitty’s face and saw the nerves breaking through. He knew that really, Bitty already knew he loved Jack. But did he love Bitty? He thought back to all the years they’ve known each other. How they hated each other and slowly became friends. Bitty slowly infiltrated his thoughts and emotions just like Jack.

Kent grabbed Bitty’s hand and squeezed tightly. “I do.” 

* * *

The next morning he woke up to the sound of soft snoring and the feeling of breath wafting over his face. For the first time in god knew how long, his smile reached his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading chapter one! Comments are appreciated but coins mysteriously appearing in bathroom sinks preferred.


End file.
